Wednesday, June 22, 2011


Remember when I was going to take charge with my master plan? Yeah, no. Life pretty much knocked me off my feet. I don’t have the luxury to plan so much as respond these days. My have-to list is beyond me. The dominoes continue to fall.

The brilliant feat is to remain calm. I thought about my mother today. Growing up, the house could be so hectic with my brothers and I. She had a gentle way of responding to the chaos. She maintained tunnel vision for the small, quick tasks – somehow ignoring the big, unruly picture.

It’s challenging for me to be that yielding. I want to whip my world into shape, from top to bottom. And sometimes, when it’s not behaving, I feel like slamming a door or tossing something in the trash. I get scrappy with the chaos.

Today, I sat with my laptop for hours, until my thighs were sweaty and uncomfortable from computer heat. I got Violet to her new summer preschool program and returned to the computer. I made lunch for Daisy and a neighbor kid then returned to the computer. We picked up Violet, and I got snacks ready for the courtyard, then I returned to the computer.

Violet spent some quality time in my closet, pulling on dresses until the hangers snapped out of them - sometimes in half - and stockpiling heels in the middle of our bedroom floor. Exhausted from her handiwork, she fell asleep in the afternoon heat while Daisy and the neighbor kid threw a party for their barbies in the mountains of discarded clothes and toys and shoes.

I think the barbies enjoyed themselves, but the party may have gotten a little out of hand. By the time I was done with the computer, there was not a clothed barbie in sight. One was laying down with a washcloth over her face, and another was going through my underwear drawer. You know how barbies are.

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