Friday, February 4, 2011

Bionic Woman and Her Randomness

I’ve been getting harassed since posting Too Many Men, Too Little Time. Duh, that was a joke. But that doesn’t stop Bionic Woman from making it her mission to find an eligible guy in my area. She’s got her buddy in Portland on the case as well. I can promise you that from what I understand about those two, I can look forward to meeting some delightful fellows. No, it’s not going to happen, Ladies.

I’ve seen a few profiles on the free dating sites. The problem is that to see what Bionic Woman wants me to see, I have to set up my own accounts. Here I am vowing to never join one of those things, and she’s got me joining all over the place. But that’s OK. What she doesn’t know is I’m using all of her real information for my profiles. Because she’s single too and for a lot longer than me. I’ll help her out right back.

One of the major reasons I don’t want to look at those profiles, besides the fact that I’m NOT LOOKING, is that I get worried about people, and I really have enough worries already. But I can’t stand it . . . like that contractor in San Jose who posted a picture of himself with his grown daughters – he really needs to find himself a nice lady. I can see he’s been through a lot, and now it’s his turn for a little love. Let’s find someone. I wonder if my mom knows any single yet mature women at her hospital . . . see, I have to stay away from those profiles.

Bionic wrote a post about me in her new blog. It reads like a public service announcement about the dangers I face as a divorced woman. Is my life totally screwed, Bionic? Is that what you’re trying to say? If you don’t like the randoms you’re contacting for me on the sites, then don’t do it.

I’m going to add Bionic’s blog to my required reading list, but I have to say something first.

Dear Bionic Woman,

You know I think you’re hilarious, and I love you. But don’t use your blog to be mean to people. Let’s not be talking shit about your neighbor’s dental problems. What I wanted you to focus on is all the crazy ways you save money and also how you leave a light carbon footprint and volunteer in the community. And maybe you could share your ironman/triathlon/exercise experiences with some of us non-athletes. There's also traveling.

I’ll let you know when I’m looking for a man (not). In the meantime, I'll send you the links to the eligible bachelors that have already received your profile. And by the way, I’m surprised you were so critical of the guys on those sites. I couldn’t find any losers.


Star Mama


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