Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Funny Thing About Bindy


When I received an email from Bindy today with Funny Thing About Blogs as the subject, I wasn't too enthused . . . just another one of Bindy's forwarded mass emails. I'm pretty sure Tabitha deletes those without even opening them. I, on the other hand, nobly file them away for when I'm desperate for entertainment.



As I was waiting for Daisy during her worry doctor appointment today, I was pretty desperate. So, I opened up the email to find a . . . BLOOOOG POST! I will save my comments for the end.



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Funny thing about blogs. You think you’re getting a factual rundown of a day in the life. But readers beware, said factual rundowns are always skewed by the eye of the blogger. Case in point: my friend posted a very nice post about the weekend that Tabitha and I (Bindy) came to visit. I was reading along, nodding, smiling vaguely in recollection, when it got to a section where a vast amount of relevant information was left out. Information that would alert you, dear reader, to the whole truth about why I wanted to go to bed so damn early. Since she is asking/begging me to guest blog, I will kill two birds with one stone: (one) set the record straight and (two) get her off my back.


Below are excerpts from her post, and my factual rebuttals in ALL CAPS so it will seem like I’m yelling.



Star: . . . on Saturday, Bindy tried to go to bed at her usual early hour . . . what was it, 9:30?



Bindy: YES, IT WAS CLOSE TO 9:30 P.M. YOU NEGLECT TO INCLUDE THE FACT THAT I GET UP EARLY. ALSO, NOWHERE IN YOUR BLOG DO I FIND MENTION THAT YOU TWO WERE PLAYING SCRABBLE AND WATCHING MAMMA MIA ON TV. IT WAS LIKE A SLOW DEATH FOR ME. BED AND A BOOK SOUNDED HEAVENLY IN COMPARISON. MOST SANE PEOPLE WOULD AGREE.



Star: How often do I get to see you, Bitch? Tabitha and I lured her back out of bed. Whenever we get together and Bindy is ready to go down for her very wrong bedtime, we hit a feverish pitch of charming and hilarious just to keep her up. And it totally works . . . for maybe an hour. Our golden hour last night reminded me of how funny Bindy is and also what an insane vocabulary she has. It got me all in the mood for another guest blog post . . . Bin-dy! Bin-dy! Bin-dy!



Bindy: YES, YOU LURED ME BACK OUT. SO I GOT TO WATCH ANOTHER HOUR OF SCRABBLE, MAGAZINE READING, AND MAMMA FUCKING MIA. DOES THAT MOVIE EVER END? I HAD ALREADY INFORMED YOU THAT I HATE MODERN MUSICAL MOVIES. THEY ARE BADLY LIP-SYNCED, AND THE RANDOM BURSTS OF MUSIC AND DANCING TAKE ME COMPLETELY OUT OF THE STORY. AND PIERCE BROSNAN CANNOT SING, EVEN WHEN GIVEN FULL STUDIO TREATMENT. YET DESPITE THE FACT THAT YOU KNEW MY FEELINGS ON THIS PARTICULAR MUSICAL GENRE, AND DESPITE THE FACT THAT YOU TWO WERE ALSO SIMULTANEOULY PLAYING SCRABBLE AND READING MAGAZINES, YOU CONTINUED TO ASSAULT ME WITH MAMMA MIA. AND THEN YOU CALL ME A BITCH? I DO, HOWEVER, ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR APPRECIATION OF MY HUMOR AND VOCABULARY. IT'S REFRESHING TO READ SUCH A RARE BURST OF RAW HONESTY IN THIS BLOG.



Star: We did let Bindy go to sleep eventually, and I had her sleep in my bed. Tabitha slept on the fold-out couch in the living room. I took one for the team by going up to the loft bed, which really is teen furniture. It’s cute but creaky with what I’m calling a normal adult weight range. Bindy’s a light sleeper, so she could hear every creak as I tossed and turned above her. I caused her own personal earthquake as I climbed down to open the bedroom window . . . I really needed some air. After I returned to my perch, I started to go into a real panic attack. I'm claustrophobic and the ceiling was a little too close to my face. How do the kids deal with that? I finally gave up and crawled into bed with Bindy in the middle of the night.



Bindy: WELL, THIS PART IS TRUE. BUT I THINK STAR JUST WANTED TO BE CLOSE TO ME, WHICH IS WHY SHE SLIPPED INTO MY BED. THAT REMINDS ME OF A COLLEGE STORY, BUT PERHAPS WE’LL SAVE THAT FOR ANOTHER POST…..



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OK, let me clarify about the Mamma Fucking Mia. Tabitha prefers the HD channels, and in my town, we have very few. We could have watched The Dark Knight, but I’ll take tacky and shallow over harsh and complicated any day, which is why I got cozy with Bindy and not Tabitha ;)



picture: http://www.flickr.com/photos/stephi2006/3573203198/sizes/l/in/photostream/



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