Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Dog Days

I fell in love with that Dog Days Are Over song while helping Quinn move in November. I was driving over the Golden Gate when it came on the radio, and was like YEAH . . . THE DOG DAYS ARE O-VA. (But if you like that song, you might want to do yourself a favor and not watch the video.)

Then, I had a couple months of more than my share of dog days . . . wa wa wa. And I didn’t want to hear that damn song anymore. But I have to say, this morning, I’m feeling a refreshing lack of dog dayness.

The kids made the switch to their dad’s today, and it went smoothly. Last night, I had fun with those little monkeys. After homework and dinner, we walked to the library and read books. We took our flashlight to the nearby park to see if the vomit of drunk teenagers had been cleaned off the play structure yet. Walked through a row of churches filled with people while arguing with the kids that those were actual churches and not night schools for children. We were so engrossed in the argument that none of us saw the mailbox until Violet ran straight into it – SMACK. After that, Daisy kept running into every pole and tree on purpose to cheer up her sister.

It warms my heart because our little family unit has had so much seriosity. Monday night, Daisy had a complete meltdown during bedtime. All of her anger toward me came out in a big way. Because here’s the thing, no matter what my reasons are for leaving her dad, I’m going to be the bad guy because I was the one who left. And all she needs to know is that it’s not her fault, her dad and I love her more than ever and always will, and things will get better. I need to listen and be there for her as she goes through all her emotions. And I know that her dad and I will continue to work together to help her – we have a meeting with her new "worry doctor" today. But part of dealing with this is just sort of hanging on until things lighten up.

This is the note she brought home from school yesterday.

Let me translate.

Dear mom,

I love you. I know some difficulties are going on. I hope you had a good day. I do not feel bad about the new house. I am just a little worried.

From Daisy

P.S. I feel the same way about you.

Sooooo prescious . . . and you’re darn right your feelings haven’t changed for your own mama.

What was good about December is I had more work than I knew what to do with and made enough to meet our needs for at least a few months. It’s time for me to take a breath. I still have a little work and looking for more. And as I was writing this, I got calls for three new projects. But now, I can take a breath in a way that I haven’t in years. One motivating factor is something Daisy's doctor told me last week: a long term study found that the greatest factor in the wellbeing of adults was a happy mother. I really need to find my happy place.

And in the spirit of all that, I gave in and got cable for the apartment. The internet here is so slow I can’t watch Youtube or listen to my Pandora a lot of the time. I really just need to be able to sit down and watch a Lakers game once in awhile. And when I got the text from Tabitha that The Bach was back on, I ordered cable the next day. That show is more hideous than ever this season, and I’ll be watching every ridiculous moment. Oh, it feels good to laugh at other people sometimes. I get a little tired of always having to find the humor in my own situation.

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