Thursday, April 1, 2010

Enjoy Your Special Day, Amy

Today is my friend Amy’s very special day and for that reason, it’s best to be on alert at all times. Not only today but for the entire week. She already sent out a threatening pic of her son peeing into a shampoo bottle a few weeks ago, supposedly preparing for his mother’s favorite holiday. It’s not every year that she gets you but it’s almost worse when she doesn’t. Then you know you're on her rotation of future targets.

I already reached my quota for April Fools . . . every year I just want to fool one person. Last year, I told a favorite student I couldn’t work with him anymore. That was like taking candy from a baby. This morning, I told my husband I had talked to one of the contractors and decided we needed to replace all of the cabinets in the house. Come on, it’s only $5000! What’s the matter? Why not? April Fools! It took him a while to calm down. Totally fun.

But my tricks are strictly amateur compared to Amy’s. When we were in our twenties, I was visiting my girls in The City and someone spilled a drink on me at Quinn’s. I wonder if Amy instrumented the spill. Anyway, I borrowed something from Quinn to wear and when I was changing my pants, Amy barged into the room with her camera. I didn’t think about it too much. Amy was my RA in college and you got used to her taking pics at odd times . . . coming out of the bathroom or whatever.

About a month later, I got home from work . . . at the time I was living in a house that was always filled with visitors, couch surfers, hanger ons . . . I walked into the house and it got quiet. No one would look me in the eye. What’s going on? One of my housemates told me I got a postcard from Amy in the mail. OK . . . but why is everyone acting so weird? Some brave soul handed over the postcard, featuring an unflattering shot of me in my underwear from Quinn’s house. If I had known this was going to happen, I would have worn cuter underwear that day . . . maybe gotten a tan. What was really disturbing was by the time I saw the postcard, the edges were worn from it being passed around so much. I ran into someone I used to date a couple days later and he had seen it. Everyone had seen it. Thanks, Am.

My favorite April Fools comes out of the catalog of Bindy stories that Amy never tires of sharing. Amy called each of our close girlfriends to let us know that Bindy had gotten a job as a stripper. Bindy had recently moved to The City after college graduation and I was worried about her because there were all kinds of things going on with my friends in the city at the time. For example, one night Bindy, Quinn and Amy got themselves into a bar fight – with men - and it was all because of Amy. I’ve seen more than one guy come close to trying to fight her. The girl is controversial.

So anyway, Amy calls to let me know about Bindy’s new job as an exotic dancer. She spiced it up with a couple details to make it more believable . . . she was apparently a topless stripper and kept her bottom covered because “you know how she is about her bottom.” She was making lots of cash and now she was getting used to the lifestyle. And maybe there was some shady boyfriend involved. I can’t remember all of it. My response was something like, “I knew she was going downhill. I’m so worried about her. We have to talk to her.” I got off the phone and still hadn’t figured out what day it was until I told someone else what I heard and he pointed out the obvious. Amy fooled all of Bindy’s closest friends with that story. Tabitha’s response was the best, something like, “What? She’s making all that money . . . and that white girl can’t even dance!” I was worried as usual; Tabitha was thinking about the cash. Bindy wondered later why none of her friends doubted Am, and why did I get off the phone and tell someone else about it? Both good points.


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