Thursday, August 27, 2009

Rantings of the Sleep-Deprived

I'm in heaven . . . Daisy's at school, Violet's at daycare. Even with the pounding construction going on next door, it is so peaceful. All I want to do is crawl into bed and stay there for about 24 hours but I've got stuff to do . . . so I'm giving myself a few minutes to write before getting back to business.

I haven't really been sleeping since we got back. I'm wide awake until 2 or 3 then the kids take turns waking me up until 7, when the rush to get Daisy to school begins. I slept well on our trip but when we returned, my normal catalog of worries came back to haunt me.

I'm starting to think of job hunting as my imaginary hobby because no one else seems to be aware that I'm doing it. Maybe I'm deluded in thinking that I'm applying to jobs . . . maybe I'm really just sitting around all day typing: ALL WORK AND NO PLAY MAKE JACK A VERY DULL BOY. Did I mention that I haven't been getting any sleep?

I'm still juggling multiple mini-projects related to tutoring, teaching, eBay, etc. and can barely keep it all going but I don't want to cut anything until I have at least one solid thing. It's becoming clearer by the day that I'm going to have to make something happen for myself, instead of waiting for that miracle job offer. I have this vague feeling that I can figure it out, but it's like when you can't quite remember a name. . . it'll come to you eventually if you stop trying so hard but your thoughts continue to chase after it.

But the first thing I need to figure out is how to get more sleep. Violet was my sleeping partner on the trip and she doesn't want to give it up. At 3 last night, she came to me in the dark, "pees, me eep with you." Oh, alright. It doesn't matter how many times I put her back in her own bed anyway, I'll still wake up to her not just next to me, but wrapped around me with her feet wedged under my back and her hands in my hair. Our dog sleeps where my feet should be. Sometimes Daisy also tunnels from the foot of the bed to my other side. And when I forget to lock the cats in the garage, there might be a black cat perched on top of us like the cherry on a human sundae (appetizing).

Here's what I fantasize about in times like these (don't be nervous) . . . a king-sized bed with cool white sheets in an empty room. A gentle breeze blows through the window. Adjoining the bedroom is a bathroom containing an oversize bathtub filled with warm, grapefruit-scented bubbles. There is a phone with the ringer turned off sitting next to a room service menu on one of the nightstands. And I'm completely alone.

I do realize that pretty much sounds like your standard hotel room.


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