Thursday, June 25, 2009

Is This Normal?


It's the beginning of my weekend . . . thank the lord baby jesus. Two weeks down, seven more to go. The summer schedule is a shock to my family. I was home early today so I spent the last few hours trying to improve the situation, but it was like trying to fill a bottomless pit of neediness with a teaspoon. I'm taking a time-out to avoid shoving that spoon where they might really notice my efforts.



I met my sister-in-law for happy hour last night. Love her. She has a sense of humor like my brothers', although she's married to my husband's brother. Shortly after she met my middle brother, they spent the day talking to each other in Sean Connery accents and it was funny (at least at first . . . then I started silently pleading for it to stop but they never tired). I don't normally take shots or drink tequila but I do when I'm with her. We talk about serious things - for some reason we talked about cancer last night - but we spend more time laughing, telling stories, riling each other up . . . the bartender joked that he was going to kick us out. I'm pretty sure he was joking.



So I'm partly to blame for my current situation because I only saw the kids for about 15 minutes yesterday. But now, I have a few days to make it right. I also need to locate my sanity as I realized it might be missing this morning. During the morning commute, I started thinking about the conversation I had with my sister-in-law about cancer. Then I thought about people I've known who have died of cancer and from there, what I would do if I had cancer, what I would want my kids to know before I go . . . tears were streaming down my face. I wasn't sobbing but I couldn't stop the tears and then I wondered . . . is this normal? Hmm . . . this doesn't seem like normal, healthy behavior.



I tried to get a grip and reached for my second venti-sized mug of coffee that I had wedged next to the first one in the center console, but instead, knocked it over into my lap. I was momentarily startled then it occured to me . . . I just happened to be wearing something that wasn't going to show the coffee stain and would pretty much dry instantly. I might smell like a coffee shop for the rest of the day but REALLY I was lucky. So I wiped off the make-up smeared under my eyes and derailed the emo train. Moving on.



picture: http://www.flickr.com/photos/beglen/151604623/

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